The title of this blog probably has you a little curious, and yes I did that on purpose. I hope that you take the time to read this and understand where I’m coming from. I love my wife. She is an amazing wife to me and mother to our children. I can sincerely say that I believe she is even more beautiful today than when we first met. Anyone that has heard the story of how we met can attest to how beautiful I thought she was when we first met too. She’s tough. She’s sweet. I love to hear her pray. I love to hear her perspective on scripture. I love watching her interact with our kids. She challenges me. She supports me. She strengthens and encourages me. She loves me. I love my wife, but…she doesn’t complete me.
Sorry Tom Cruise, but you’re confused! Some of you may be shocked right now. In disbelief maybe? Perhaps you think this is a joke and you’re waiting for the punch-line? I’ll say it again. I LOVE MY WIFE! She is incredible! She’s everything I could ever hope for in a wife and mother. But, she doesn’t complete me. And she would say the same about me. Yes, she’s actually on board with this. We complement each other very well; our personalities, our gifts, our approach and outlook on things all complement each other. But to say she “completes” me or that I “complete” her would be disrespectful to the One she and I find our “complete-ness” in.
Allow me to explain just a little bit. We live in a world where nearly everyone is looking for their “soul-mate”; their “one and only”; their “perfect” person in which they will find their “complete-ness” in. Occasionally, people believe they find that person. Sometimes they get married and sometimes…they divorce. I’m not going to go into detail of the whole “50% of all marriages end in divorce” statistic, ‘cause I question the accuracy of that. (http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/whats-divorce-rate) But, nevertheless, marriages end. Why though?
I believe an unfair expectation is put on our “other half.” We search for our “complete-ness” in someone else. And when that someone else fails us by not reaching the unfair expectation that we have placed on them, an expectation we don’t meet ourselves, we begin searching elsewhere for that complete feeling. We go looking for it in temporary things and some go searching for it in another relationship outside of their marriage and… well, we know how that ends.
So, what am I saying? I am saying stop searching for someone to “complete” you. You’re not going to find it in someone else. We are made complete by the One who made us in the first place. When you have a relationship with the One True God through His son Jesus Christ, you find that you are complete. You will then have an understanding of who you are and who we are as human-beings and then wouldn’t dare put an unfair expectation on someone else to complete you. When you understand that even your spouse will fail you, but God never will, then grace and mercy and true love and forgiveness will abound in your relationship with your spouse because you have the understanding that you too will fail her or him. You will be relying on that same grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness that your spouse will need from you.
I’ll sum it up this way. When you find yourself complete in Christ, and you find someone else who is as well, THEN you can give yourselves COMPLETELY to one another instead of having two incomplete parts looking, with no success, at one another for something that neither of you can provide.