I step onto the court and peer through the net. I see my opponents, Pastor Drew and his loaded team,..ya know the usual. I look back over my shoulder. I have a padder of middle school girls and a group of dudes that “play for fun”. Then there is Rusty. Rusty my best friend who has my back in all circumstances no matter the odds! We serve first! As our server tosses the ball in the air he readjusts his glasses and whiffs at the ball. This is going to be great! Meanwhile across the net they are circled up putting on a bump set spike clinic that would make your mother proud.Well we are all warmed up let the massacre begin! I am totally aware we have no chance, but the competitive superman inside of me says well maybe you guys can pull of the miracle of the century and beat these guys. I am trying my best to keep us in the game…well as close as can be. As the game goes on I am starting to burn up do to the constant failure mixed with the taunting from across the net. The score was around 14-3 when it happened. Rusty switched sides…he left me. The glare I sent him should have burst him to flames that very moment! But, alas, he smiled on joining in on the fun at MY EXPENSE! It was a great way to end the youth float trip. After the game we pack up our things and start to load up the cars.
I hear “Hey man come ride with me.” A familiar voice RUSTY. “NO WAY BRO GET OUTTA HERE!” needless to say I was still upset about the volleyball game. Rusty gets in the expedition and I get into the bus and we pull out. I put my headphones in and I am listening full blast as usual. It is the best way for me to drown the world out and get into deep thought. The deep thought was I can’t wait to give that dude a piece of my mind when we get home I can’t believe he left me……what was that BRAKES!!!…..SCREAMS!!!….silence…. “EVERYONE STAY ON THE BUS!”…..”Danny come here.”We step out to see that our convoy had been shattered… The expedition had been sideswiped by a semi…. TIME STOPS….NO BREATH…NO WORDS…JUST DIZZY… wha wha what do we…what happ..questions flood my mind but nothing can come out…SIRENS….HELICOPTER BLADES…”let’s meet them at the hospital.” ok…. When we arrive I learn I will never be able to give “that dude” a piece of my mind ever again… The first thing you think of is the last moment you had.. and my last moment was glaring disgust and I don’t want to be around you…
Just because that was my last moment does not make it my last impression! It took me a long time to get my head around that thought. Like he is mad at me for being mad at him, or that our whole relationship is wrapped in that final moment. But at the same time I needed closure. Since there was an end to our relationship here I needed wrapping paper and a bow on that box. I believe we will meet again in heaven and I don’t believe his first words to me will be “Why you mad bro?” I forced myself to remember significant memories rather than insignificant ones. I remember him mentoring me to become a youth pastor. I remember riding around in his toyota corolla listening to music and yelling out of the window at random people just to see their reaction. I remember praying alongside him with youth and for youth. I remember now, things that truly defined our relationship. If you have someone close to you that you have not spoke to for awhile or maybe like me you lost them in the midst of an argument I challenge you to look past the insignificant things and focus on the significant things that you share because that is what will mend and define your relationship, and for me once our relationship was defined with significance I could finally say my Goodbyes.
Why did you put The Governor as your picture for that story?….I didn’t that story was meant for someone…don’t know who but someone..that is why I am writing this blog at 3 in the morning instead of waiting until like 10 or next week lol.
“Ah yes now I see”….no I doubt it
Just to let you know if you don’t know The Governor…you know The Governor. The Governor was a man who could not get out of his own way. His pride and lack of forgiveness towards others and himself ended up costing him everything. His inability to let things in the past stay in the past took the joy from his future.
The Governor could not forget who he used to be and that prevented him from becoming someone better. He started a whole new life more than once and yet his his insecurities were a stumbling block for him to become a whole new man in his whole new life. We sometimes have the same problems and stumbling blocks. We change our environments but we don’t change ourselves. We wonder why did this happen again? Why is everything falling apart the same way it always does? If you don’t change your heart and make up your mind that you are valuable enough to God that He would do almost anything for you to succeed…you won’t…change anything. You have to get out of your own way. We have to become a people that can release the things in our hearts and minds that hinder our progression and let His guidance and His heart take their place. He has plans for you! GREAT plans for your future NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PAST LOOKS LIKE.
Forgiveness is the key to a soft heart. The Governors calloused heart was hardened by the inability to forgive himself and others. This is one of the main reasons he could not move forward in life and his past failures would repeat themselves.That anger you feel out of nowhere sometimes….That irritation that climbs up your spine when you hear that persons name.. That wall that you have built between you and your friend or family member is all part of having a calloused heart. You are no longer able to see life through their eyes and their circumstances. The only way to soften your heart and gain that back is forgiveness and prayer. If you no longer want your past mistakes to creep up on you realize you have made the mistake and fix it, but don’t stop there keep it fixed by forgiving yourself and let God have that issue..pray that He would give you the discipline and strength for daily victory.. RIGHT NOW. NO LOOSE ENDS!
Once you have put things in the past……LEAVE IT THERE! No matter how much The Governor tried to say that he had changed it was unbelievable. You could see in his eyes, in his countenance, same ol’ governor. He carried the weight of his sadness. The weight of his anger was easily seen. We must become a “new creature”. Unrecognizable to the people that knew our calloused unforgiving hearts. We have to guard ourselves from allowing our past slip ups to become future stains. We have to realize there are things in our past that are no longer allowed to linger in our minds. Learn from our mistakes and move on. Don’t dwell! Don’t carry it around with you as if satan needs you to store ammo for him….trust me he is good enough at what he does he doesn’t need your help…who’s team are you on anyway…The One who wants you to succeed or the one who wants to destroy you…Instead of storing up ammo of your past failures how bout you store up the ammo of promises that God has for you….It is time to say GOOD RIDDANCE to the thoughts and situations in your past that you have let linger far too long, and take up a new mindset. A mindset of victory. A mindset of value. A mindset of competence. A new way of thinking.
Prayer: God grant me strength and love, so that I can forgive myself and others and move on from my past toward Your future for me!